one might say we're banned from that church
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
