i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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