my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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