I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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