so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize