what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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