I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
