Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
That accounts for only three of the penises
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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