Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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