So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
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