you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize