I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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