Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
