Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I think a kid would responsible me up
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
