The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
