pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Drunk is not a location!
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
