Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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