he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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