hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
