tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
