I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
