i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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