I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
