i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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