I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
