yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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