Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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