A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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