Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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