My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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