Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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