when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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