Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
