So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
