Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize