like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
