Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
