honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
