If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
