It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
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