So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize