i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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