If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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