why im i the only drunk person in the library?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize