she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
