I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize