i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
