You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
