why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
