So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
