I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
