I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
