I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
