carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
