like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Randomize
