I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Randomize
