areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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