Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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