Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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