How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
