hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
