you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
