Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
