just survived the first fart of the relationship.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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