It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
