'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
