He disabled his match.com account in front of me
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
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