Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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