Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
