Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
