that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
