Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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