Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
