So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i just made my gag reflex go away.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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