Please don't use social media to get back at me.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
