U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
