party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
