and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
