there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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