So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
