Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
