It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
