I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
