so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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