Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
