very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize