$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You are the jesus of drinking
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
