Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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