When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
