Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
