so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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