I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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