He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
