Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
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