I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize