Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
