Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
