ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
