is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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